Do you ever find yourself in a strange situation with a really loud voice actively saying, “No, I can’t,” even though every other part of you is screaming, “Yes, I want it.”
You have set this awesome goal for yourself and you’re really excited about watching it manifest in your life. You’re making lists as you move towards fulfilling your goal, but then negative self-talk gets in the way.
Are you destined for failure? Are you on the wrong path? Should you just give up and start again with something entirely new and different?
Let me introduce the Saboteur.
You may be asking: What is a saboteur? Where did it come from? Why would I self-sabotage? My mind is strong.
There are many reasons we unknowingly self-sabotage the things we want most. At some point in our self-actualizing journey, we need to wake up to some of the things we haven’t had the ability to see before.
If you don’t see what is standing in your way, how can you know how to move it?
Here are a few reasons why we self-sabotage (and how you can rebuild the confidence in yourself again).
1. The Fear Of Failure
From the time we are children, we’re constantly being inundated with ideas and myths about success and failure. Depending on who you were around most, these beliefs were likely sucked into your subconscious like a sponge.
As a result, you cognitively carry negative self-beliefs and self-talk around with you everywhere you go. Usually, these self-beliefs are self-denying. They begin as something toxic someone said and then they become entangled in your identity.
- “I’m not enough.”
- “I’m worthless.”
- “I’m not smart enough.”
- “I don’t deserve it.”
- “If I try, I’ll fail, just like they always said.”
Amazingly, the idea of self-fulfilling prophecies is pretty much spot on. If your subconscious is constantly telling you that you’re not good enough, you won’t be.
2. The Fear Of Success
Even more terrifying than the fear of failure is the fear of success.
This might sound false or even ridiculous, but the truth of this fact is out there. It’s everywhere we look. Creative people have great ideas all the time, so why are they constantly backing out of them?
Perhaps, it’s the fear of failure, but maybe it’s the fear of success masked as fear of failure. Deep down, individuals may not want to see what actual, genuine success could bring to their lives.
What do we often hear about with lottery winners? The success was so sudden and unexpected that they end up blowing all their winnings and find themselves right back where they were before hitting the jackpot.
Whatever the reason for avoiding success, there are plenty of psychological reasons for why a specific person fears positive changes in their life.
3. You Are Disconnected From Your Authentic Self
Self-sabotage is when you are not living your core values. I understand how difficult it is to find your authentic self. There is a myth that finding one’s authentic self is like finding Shangri-La—it’s a mysterious and unclear path that may take you into strange and uncomfortable places.
Sometimes the consequences of living detached from your authentic self are physical, mental, and emotional.
We tend to self-sabotage because we haven’t gotten real or truly honest with who we really are and what we really want.
Getting to know your authentic self has to do with doing some fairly simple investigative work on what your top values are.
4. You Aren’t Clear On Your Core Values
Values are our guidepost to dive deeper into figuring out what is authentically you or maybe outside influences that you are confusing with your own voice.
When we are clear on our values, we are able to set clear boundaries and also start to understand when our inner judge is talking vs. the voice of our inner wisdom. Fear of judgment from others won’t get in the way when you are clear about your boundaries. Decision making is also easier when you are clear on your boundaries. Everything becomes more clear when you lead from your core values including your unique path, relationships and career.
Your values are your roadmap to being able to recognize your saboteurs and know how to quiet them.
The solution? Dig deep and get to know yourself. Declutter your mind and stagnant emotions. Get to know your saboteurs. Once you have a clearer view of your truths, your visions will ring with crystal clear clarity, and that’s what will manifest in your life.